if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
