Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
