Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
