You can't motorboat a personality
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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