he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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