3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
