He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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