Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it