cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.