I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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