I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?