youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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