I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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