I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
