Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
