toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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