I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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