I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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