the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
