I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
