Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
