My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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