I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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