google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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