I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
