i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
