Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Help. Why am I so naked?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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