My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
