why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
