bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
