Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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