update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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