i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
