I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
