I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
