I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
