We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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