My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
