Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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