Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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