I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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