found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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