either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
