Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
