Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
