During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
