Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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