Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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