if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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