There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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