i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
