ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
