New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
