my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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