Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
send nudes
from the living room?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
