Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
