she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
