words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh god it's open bar.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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