ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
