You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize