i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We had sex on a dog bed..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
