oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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