Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize