She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let's get the cat blown out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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