Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
