So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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