I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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