wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
