call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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